Resisting the Temptations - OPEN

[jasper hale]

It had been awhile since Jasper had almost lost control of his thirst for human blood, but today he had found it very difficult to survive a biology lesson that involved learning each others blood groups. Everyone around him pricking their fingers to test, he had politely informed that he already knew his blood type and therefore did not need to take part, but he had been forced to remain in the lesson. The stench was unbearable, he silently cursed the teacher for changing his lesson plans at the last second otherwise Alice would have warned him before the day. He could feel himself going back to his natural instincts the temptation to rip them to pieces now was growing inside him, it would take him seconds to kill them all and to feed, he could visualise himself ripping their heads off the blood that would pour everywhere the sweet nectar he longed for. It was a difficult thing to fight, he had been fighting it for so long was it wrong to give into your instincts.

The only thing that kept him from it was Alice and Carlisle he could see the disappointment in their faces in him for loosing it, for ruining their home he could see them shunning him and sending him away and yes this was extreme but by holding on to this he stopped himself. He gripped either side of his chair watching the minutes tick by blocking them all out the laughing faces, the squeamish looks at the sight of blood trying to find some sort of calm in the room but there was nothing he could latch onto and it was killing him. When the bell rang he grabbed his books and was out in seconds, but then he was in a corridor filled with people each person that passed him by he could imagine killing in ways that would stop them from screaming maybe even without anyone noticing. Their exposed necks were just screaming to be bitten for him to feed, to stop being driven mad by the animal blood and allow himself to go back to the natural food source that he craved.

It was the end of the day the last lesson and he just left he couldn't be there, he headed straight to the parking lot walking straight past everyone he knew they were watching him his family, but he could not face them. Their piercing stares, their judgemental looks because he could not control this because of his struggles, but he was disappointed in himself to and he could not face them yet. Of course Edward had been in his head and knew what he was thinking and feeling, then of course Alice had seen his future knowing how easily he could have killed them and he did not need them now. The way they looked at him trying to encourage him and say that they knew he would not have done it, but he knew how they really felt deep down he was sure he could feel their resentment to him and his lack of control. Jasper disappointed them far to often with his lack of control with his temptations and he was sick of being the one to do this and he could not bare looking into their eyes, today he needed to get away.

What he needed was to be alone, he ran down the road not stopping until he reached their home and even then he kept going straight out into the wilderness distancing himself from everything. It was only then when he was totally alone that he allowed his frustration to let loose he kicked one of the nearest trees which immediately crashed to the floor but it didnt matter to him. He was sick of failing at this, sick of the way it affected him, he wanted to go for one day without the temptation to slaughter his entire class or anyone he saw. It was killing him inside, he had to feel everything that everyone in that school felt then if that was not enough he had to want to kill them all too. Moving he slammed another tree watching it fall before kicking it again, all he seemed to do was suffer and he wanted it to end for once he just wanted to live the way all the others did yes they were affected but they could take it in their stride and live somewhat normally. It was constant for him or at least it felt that way at the moment, the constant temptation to kill them all and all he warned was for it to stop, he did not want to be a monster like he had once been during his time in the Mexican Coven, when Maria had used him for his ability and his training when he had killed mindlessly, he just wanted to be Jasper and he wanted this to stop all of it, the bloodlust, the ability to feel everything, the constant replaying of the horrors he'd caused in his head and the emotions of the people he'd killed. Just for one day he wished it would all stop.

[Bella Cullen]

Today had been one of those days....she like her family members had attended the high school. She had not slipped since becoming a vampire—though the temptations were all around her, especially in her science class. Not that she had ever liked science when she was human, but it was even more dangerous when blood was involved. Tearing apart animals as part of the class, sometimes got a bit dicy. There were moments where she had to excuse herself due the fact the blood lust got strong. Even the tiniest amount sometimes could trigger it and well, honestly she didn’t want to be held responsible for something going wrong. They’d already dealt with the Volturi once, since she had become a vampire and she did not want to deal with them again due to an exposure risk. Today's lesson wasn't about tearing animals apart, but pricking fingers.

Of course when the moment came to prick her own finger, she wasn’t looking forward to it. Of course there was no way the teacher was going to let her miss out on the experiance. So she had to suffer through it. Although she knew that if Alice had seen the teacher’s decision they would have been forwarned, but of course even that was unable to happen due to a last minute change. Although she hadn’t had it as dificult as Jasper had to control the bloodlust after she had been changed, it was still in her natural instincts to drink human blood. That’s what most vampires did, but she and her family were different. They had resisted the urge for as long as they could...and had found other means of satisfying their need for blood by dieting on animals.

Of course in the end, she had always been able to keep a natural distance from the blood lust that came upon her in moments where she could smell the blood....not just see it. Was it wrong to give into temptation? Sometimes. Though she tried not to think of it in that way. Of course she knew that if God forbid she did have a slip up that she wouldn’t be cast out from the family—sure they’d be disappointed in her, just like she would be disappointed in herself, but she knew she wasn’t going to allow that to happen. She worried more for Jasper than she did for herself, when it came to that, as she knew her brother still had trouble controlling the bloodlust more than anyone else in their family did. She’d been in the same class with Jasper today, but boy was the class going extremely slow. Though time was irrelevant, it just felt like an eternity that they were in there. She was more relieved when the bell finally rang and they were free for the day. Jasper had left before she had. She’d gone to her locker to put the books she didn’t need away, before heading out to her vehicle. She knew that it was one of those days where each of them needed some time to think. Edward and the others had already left and so she wasn’t sure what she was going to do yet. She’d driven her vehicle back to the house, and put her stuff away. She knew she needed to keep up her strength, because today had been a very exhausting day—in the sense of needing blood but didn’t have an option to feed prior to the day’s beginning. She decided then she was going to go out hunting. If she could find something worth sinking her teeth into. A deer would suffice if she could catch one.

Once she had put everything from school in the room she shared with her husband, she smiled. She was curious about what Esme was up to, knowing Carlisle was at work, and Esme had left a note on the kitchen counter that she was out shopping. But where was everyone else? The house was too silent for it’s own good. However, as much as she worried about her family members, Jasper was the one that was on her mind at the moment. She knew that Jasper still struggled the most with the blood lust, even though he’d been a vampire a long time. Living somewhat normally was something that she and the others of their family’s coven had done, but Jasper hadn’t had the best of luck with it.

Once leaving the family’s house, she took off at a run. Once finding the deer she was craving, she’d attacked. Knocking it down in stride, before draining it of it’s blood. She got rid of the corpse, which wasn’t the hardest thing to do. Once she felt that she was able to handle things without needing more blood, she went off for a run. It was relaxing. Last she knew her daughter was with her father so she didn’t have to necessarily worry about those two. One thing she knew—she was not a monster. Nor were her family members. They were good people that just had a different diet than most did. Unconsiously, she began running, and after what seemed like a good couple hours, though in reality it was but a few minutes, she found herself near where Jasper was. She could smell him. She didn’t need to be able to feel his or the others emotions to know that she shouldn’t interfere when someone needed to be left alone. Though she was sure he would know that she was in the area, he usually did, just as much as the others did, due to their gifts as well as their heightened senses.

[jasper hale]

Jasper knew he wasn't alone be could not only smell Bella's scent as she approached but her could feel her emotions, it felt like his was the only ability her shield could not protect her from and why that was he was not sure. What he did know was that of all the members of their family that this could have been the last person he wanted to be was here. It was Edwards Bella, the Bella that had put his Alice in danger not once but twice, that had enraged the volturi not once but twice. She was the perfect newborn vampire even he who knew everything there was to know about newborns had not understood her capability to withstand the thirst. She had more control over her thirst in her fifty years of being a vampire than he did in his two hundred and this was what angered Jasper he could not control it, it was horrible having to want to kill everyone constantly but not only that having to feel everything they did their anger, upset, jealousy or pain. That had to be the worst feeling any type of emotion, pain be it physical or emotional that always tore right through him, reminding him of the heartless monster he had once been, the one he still felt like even now the part of his history he never truly could escape no matter how hard he tried to, it always came back to haunt him.

It was something that Jasper never seemed to escape it was that past that was responsible for this those decades of fighting for land, newborns and blood. Blood was the only thing if value of any worth in their life, but he hated that part of him he hated thinking about the monster he had once been, that he still felt like he was now it was an inescapable part of him as much as he tried to deny it the monster was apart of him. Nobody law felt the deep rooted need to tear everyone who was around them to pieces, he sighed allowing his anger to drain away h could feel bitter and resentment deep down in a way that nobody else would understand except for Alice of course because he couldn't hide anything from her.

He took a few moments to calm himself take unnecessary deep breaths, the last thing he wanted to do was get angry with someone, that was something he hated doing. It was difficult to be angry with someone when you could feel their response their immediate jolt of fear when you raised your voice, the look of worry or panic as you yelled at then and that hurt. It was why he avoided fights and arguing just trying to get them all to exist peacefully. "Bella! I know your there" his voice mixed with a sigh though they of course would know about this Jasper would rather his family did not witness the deforestation that occurred when he lost it, it would be just another reason for them to be disappointed with him. He ran his hand over the tree he had knocked down, it was better it was the tree yes there was an argument for them having emotions but he could not feel them, so rather it than someone he could actually feel their response to.

[Bella Cullen]

She had known he would smell her just as easily as she could smell him. She also knew that it wasn’t something that was going to go over well. She hadn’t intended on interrupting him. She hadn’t even ben out truly looking for him, she had just stumbled across him while hunting. It wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t anticipated on running into her brother, but on the one hand she would rather it be him than some nomad vampire. She had known that she had done alot of things in her almost seventy years of life, especially from the moment she’d returned to Forks when she was seventeen. When she’d first met Edward. She had not necessarily meant to impact them as much as she had. Even when she had first met Edward, he’d tried to keep his distance. But she’d tried to at least get to know him.

Then when she and Alice grew closer, it had been a good thing for her. She had someone she could talk to about anything. Alice had become her best friend, but also felt like a sister. She knew she had put Edward, Alice and their family in danger not once but twice, long before she had become a vampire—and had her daughter. It had enraged the Volturi...mostly because she was a human who knew about them. If it hadn’t been for Alice having a vision that she would become one of them, she knew that the Volturi would have killed her. That much she did know.

That first encounter with the Volturi had been scary, only because she had no idea what they would do. She’d witnessed their power first hand when she had witnessed them using it on Edward. She’d rather take the pain than have Edward do it. Alice had been there with her and Edward at that point. They had gone to save Edward’s life after he had thought that she had killed herself when Alice had explained her vision. The vision of her jumping off a cliff, of course she had not seen Jacob saving her, which was why they believed she was in fact dead. It was one of the limitations of Alice’s vision.

That second encounter, she had become a vampire, no longer the frail human she had once been. But she was willing to put her own life in danger to protect her daughter. It was something her entire family had been willing to do, at least so she had always thought. Renesmee’s birth had enraged the Volturi due to a misleading interpretation by that of their own cousin, Irina Denali, who had paid for the mistake with her own life. Becoming a vampire was something she had always wanted since first meeting and knowing the truth about Edward as she did not want to live without him, or to have him lose her when she grew old. Now she would never have to. It was something that she had lived with, knowing she had been the reason they had been put in danger not once but twice. She knew as a vampire, she had been different than most newborns, at least according to Jasper, but she couldn’t help that. She didn’t know how it was—or why it was, that she was able to easily withstand the thirst, was it because she had seen the strength in Carlisle, even in her own husband? All she knew was that she couldn’t kill humans. There just was something appalling about the idea. Perhaps it was because of the time that she had felt the venom in her own system when James had bitten her. Edward had to suck the venom out of her, and it was absolutely painful. Almost as painful as her own transformation had been, but it was a relief to know that Edward was the one changing her, even if she didn’t survive. So long as her child did, she didn’t care what happened to her in the end.

Opening her eyes for the first time when she was eighteen as a vampire, was absolutely surreal. Everything around her was all in focus. Every sense a person had, was enhanced...from her sense of smell to her sense of feeling. It was everything she could have ever imagined it to be. Although she had tremendous strength when it came to the blood lust, but it still was hard to handle at times. Especially if she let herself not feed for a bit and then find herself around blood. Sometimes she had to excuse herself especially at first. There were times when she felt weak around the blood that was around them especially at the high school, but she did not allow herself to show that lack of strength in those times. She had to stay strong, if not for her own sake but for her family’s as well. She had an ability just like other members of her family did, and each of their unique abilities was something the Volturi had wanted. In her oppinion Jasper’s would be the hardest to have, to be able to feel everything—and not be able to tone it out....she could only imagine how he dealt with it. She was the only one who had ben given an option when it came to being a vampire, as the others were either changed at a moment where they would have ultimately died, or had been born as one.

Although she did not ultimately understand what the others went through, whether they had an ability or not, she loved them. She would be there for them until she took her last but unneeded breath. Even if it was unneeded in their eyes. Esme and Carlisle had accepted her into their lives as a daughter long before she had actually married Edward, and it was a relief especially after fearing the worst. For her siblings, with the exception of Alice, it had taken a bit longer to really form a bond there.

But of course now she could not think of such things. Right now she had to focus on the here and now. Standing on a roadside, not far from where Jasper was, she couldn’t help but immediately know she had been sensed. She walked a little closer to her brother but still keeping a relatively safe distance from him. But she had walked out into the open where he could see her. “I know you could, Jasper. But I didn’t even know you were here. I may not have your ability to feel emotions but I can tell you’d rather be left alone. So I’m sorry if I’m interrupting you. I don’t mean to.” She told her brother, but she knew that he could feel what she was feeling in that moment. She had hated to interrrupt someone when they truly just wanted to be left alone with their thoughts.

[jasper hale]

Jasper took a deep and unnecessary breath, being a vampire he lacked the need to breath it was just something he had learnt over the years so that he fitted in better with the rest of the human world, due to their importance in fitting in. Now these little actions had become habits that he forgot to drop when he was at home, the only part of the espionage that was always dropped was the way he spoke especially around Alice his southern accent always seemed to sneak back in again, it was natural to him and it was one of the only parts of his past that he was happy to bring back. As Bella spoke he headed towards her of course she knew that did not surprise him at all, as he found her he paused leaning his back against a tree "There is no need to apologise Bella" he shook his head as he spoke it was true she had no need to apologise she had done nothing wrong, yes he had wanted to be left alone and of all the people he could see right at this point Bella was not high on his list of people he wanted to be talking to.

Of all the people Bella with her unnatural capability to resist blood during her newborn phase, she had somehow found such the strength and will power he had no idea, but she always made him feel ashamed of him and how he could not control his own bloodlust after two hundred years. "I'd much rather be able to shield people than feel their emotions" He explained in a chuckle at the mention of his power, his thoughts were similar to Alice on this both of them wished for on off switch away to not have their ability control and define them. That was what Jasper wished for a day when he did not have to feel everything and everyone around him felt, the way they reacted to everything that happened during their day, what made them happy, angry, upset it was just all too much. More than anything he would love to trade with someone, he wished to have an ability like Bella's that was so much more help than his all he could do was stop them all from arguing and he had to be cautious not to manipulate others emotions too much and create the wrong types of friendship. Where as someone like Bella she could protect everyone and anyone from danger, it was so much more practical and useful or at leas in his opinion it was.

"So what brings you out here then? Thought you'd be with Eddy as your inseparable as always" He could feel how uncomfortable she was being around him probably because she had witnessed that anger he had hidden with him, more than anything he wanted to lighten the mood between them. It did make him smile how inseparable Edward and her were after all these years of seeing Edward alone and feeling his desperation for a relationship with someone, it felt good to actually see him happy and enjoying life or death in his opinion, Bella and Renesmee made him happy and that made him so much easier to live with he did not have to focus on trying to lighten his mood and stop him from snapping at Rosalie all the time, so he really did owe Bella. Even though she had caused them all quite a bit of trouble she did balance that out with the good not only that she had done for Edward, but all of them really Rosalie had got to hold a baby and be part of ones life, Esme had always wanted to be a grandmother and she gave Alice someone to constantly be shopping for besides him. Overall she had done them all quite a few favours and Jasper could feel the overall change in emotions in the house, Rensemee had made everyone so much happier and for that he was very grateful.

[Bella Cullen]

The one thing she had to account for was that Jasper had been a vampire—hell they all had been a vampire longer than she was. The breathing they did, although they did not need to do it, was better because it meant they were making an effort to fit in with the humans. Of course, this was something she did not have to forget even when she was at home. She just kept living her life the way that she always had. The way she always would. She watched as Jasper headed in her direction and she wondered if that was a good thing. When he stopped and leaned against a tree and told her she did not need to apologize she felt slightly better. He didn't appear to be upset.

“Alright.” She told him, keeping her answers short and sweet fo the moment. She knew that she hadn’t necessarily done anything wrong, as of yet, but she could easily tell by the way someone responded whether they wanted to be left alone and Jasper usually was. They hadn’t had the best relationship due to certain aspects, like the unnatural capability she had to resist blood especially during her newborn phase. She had always found the strength she needed, and the will power to do it. She drew her strength from Edward and from their family. “I can see where that would get a bit tricky. It’s like Edward with his ability to read minds. I’m sure both abilities can be quite draining after a while. But there is a reason you can do it Jasper. You were meant to. Just the way Edward was meant to read minds. And Alice was able to see things the way that she does. You can’t change it. I know it must not be easy to have an ability to not be able to switch off....like yours, Alice’s and even Edward’s.” She could hear the slight chuckle in his voice and that was a good sign. Her ability was a bit different from the others’ as she could turn hers off and even if she couldn’t hers was a helpful ability.

She loved the fact that Jasper was able to keep them all relatively calm as it wasn’t a fun or easy task to do and she understood that. She did not envy them for their abilities but did respect theirs far more than she did her own. Yes she was able to protect others even herself from danger, although it was more practical, it was not necessary the hardest to tolerate. She always knew that Jasper, Alice, and even Edward’s abilities were useful in their own ways, though much more difficult to control without wanting to just disappear for a while. It was overwhelming, she could imagine, as she recalled even Edward’s telling her how hard it was to concentrate when he couldn’t turn off the voices.

“I was out on a hunt. Usually I would be with Edward, but he wanted a father-daughter day, with Renesmee so I figured while I had the chance I’d come out and hunt. I had no idea you were even out here. I figured you’d be with Alice. As just like with Edward and I...you two are almost always together.” She told her brother. She enjoyed the life of a vampire, she had chosen it while her family members hadn’t. They each were changed unvoluntarily, and in Renesmee’s case she was born as half of one. Since she had been pregnant with her when she was still human.

She and Edward had always been inseparable especially after the two had married and she had become a vampire. She also had their daughter to thank for that as well. She knew that she and Renesmee had made Edward very happy, but she was glad for it. She could actually give him something that made him happy, when all it took was him being next to her for her to be happy. Their daughter had only added to the joy. Though she had not forgotten all those times when she was still a human and the danger she had put them in by them trying to protect her, to save her life. Though from Alice’s perspective, her entrance into their family had changed things. Edward wasn’t always so snappy toward Rosalie, as Alice had pointed out once, everything had balanced itself out the way that was supposed to. She felt like she had done alot of good since she and Edward had been together even if she had unvoluntarily created quite a chaos in their lives before she had turned.

She knew how special it was for Rosalie to hold Renesmee, since she had always wanted a child, and with Renesmee, Rosalie could have that feeling of having a child in her life since she couldn’t have one herself. With Esme, she had given her the chance of being not only a mother all over again, but for the first time ever, to be a grandmother. Alice of course, the one who had been her best friend aside from Edward, she had given Alice an oppertunity to shop for someone other than her own husband, which she found to be quite hilarious at times. But Alice had been an expert at planning things, look at what she had done for hers and Edward’s wedding. It was quite remarkable too! Although it was Renesmee that she felt had helped the most when it came to making things better for all of them. Everyone seemed to be so much happier since Renesmee was born and she could see that in their faces. She of course was extremely happy to have Renesmee in her life, thrilled even. As before Edward she had never envisioned she would get married let alone have a child in her life.

[jasper hale]

Jasper knew Bella's words were intended to heal and comfort but they did little, he had a habit of brushing of compliments, he did not deserve them he had done to much evil to deserve words of comfort. Meant to be the way you were, yes he was meant to, meant to be a monster to kill people and feast on them, that was what he was perfectly created for .. Well actually he was created to fight for blood, to kill others as many people as possible In order for dominance and control. It made him feel so inhuman, he looked away from Bella closing his eyes for a second and pushing these thoughts from his head, Alice did not think he was a monster she knew him the real him and she loved him he was better than that.

Still he wished for an ability like bellas, one that he could use to protect the people he cared about, jasper did more harm than help he always seemed to despite his attempts to protect and care for her he always felt like he hurt more. His ability though may be able to keep them all calm it was frustrating and difficult, he wished he could do more for her, Alice deserved more than him, but he was scared to let go of her, he needed her so much, she made him a better man.

As Bella explained why she was here and how they had ended up running into each other he nodded "I'm sorry if I disturbed you if that was the case" he apologised politely, moving he stood in his military like position that he always took standing up straight, arms behind his back and his head tilt back slightly, as he observed Bella. She seemed to be thinking or lost in her own thoughts, he would describe her mood as reflective and it was interesting to watch, that was an odd thing like Bella she was similar to Alice and Esme with her mood. The three of them were intensively positive and he did not know how they managed it, no matter what they were faced with on a daily basis they seemed to bleed positivity. It was one of the things that had attracted him to Alice, feel her positivity it was difficult not to love it and she always made him happy no matter what he was feeling.

"I'm sorry Bella, I realised that I never really got a chance to apologise for, trying to kill you all those years ago" Jasper found it difficult to make eye contact with her when he spoke to her, but he could not explain to her how much he regretted that action. How much trying to kill her haunted him, the fact that Bella had found it simple to resist the blood lust of having a half human child around her all the time and he had snapped at a few drops of blood. The fact that he had almost killed her and if he had not been stopped then he would have, especially now seeing how much joy and life she had brought to their house, to everyone and now much she had changed Edward too. It was another of Jasper's flaws and he knew that no matter what she said he would never let himself feel forgiven for the actions, but he still felt complied to try and apologise and try and let go.

[Bella Cullen]

She knew her brother better than that. Sure they weren’t particularily close but then again Jasper didn’t seem to be too close to anyone aside from his mate. Which she understood as she felt a closeness to Edward that she would not get with anyone else. It wasn’t meant for that. Granted not near as much as the others knew him, but still enough to know that some things he would never be able to accept a compliment whether it came from her or someone else. But that wouldn’t stop her from trying every now and again. She did care about him, no matter what he had to say about it. She knew that they were all capable of unspeakable acts, and that some had done such unspeakable acts.

But she cared about who they were now not who they had been. Although she had never encountered anyone who had dealt with the kind of way that Jasper had in his past before meeting Alice, it was safe to say that Alice brought out the best in him, and he brought out the best in her. She could see it, every time the two were together. Everything had happened to her for a reason which was why she was sure that the same applied to Jasper. Whether he liked it or not.

Their abilities were meant for them, but she never knew the reason why, nor did she ask. She knew that Jasper’s was one she would not wish to have, though she knew how in handy that ability could be. Each ability had it's own set of good things about it and the not so good things. Of course for her, the shield came in handy though it meant she had to focus on the task at hand, she couldn't get distracted for even a moment. She watched as her brother went back into a military position. Something he did quite often. “No need to appologize, Jasper. You didn’t disturb me. Besides I don’t mind the company.” She told him as she was deep in thought about the way her life had taken it’s toll. Her memories had been centered around the events that led her to Forks to begin with when she was just seventeen and what had all happened since then.

Being positive all the time was not an easy feat at least not for her, but she had lived iwth Alice and Esme far too long to avoid it. The three of them always seemed upbeat and positive which was sometimes difficult given what they were and what kind of things it would lead to. It was almost contageous. “Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to appologize. I know that it—wasn’t and it isn’t something that is easily controlled for you. I knew what I was getting into when I came to the house that night. I chose to come to the house. I would do it again in a heartbeat. What’s done is done. All you can do now is move on from it. And learn from your choices back then. I’ve always believed, that everything happens the way it does for a reason. Even if the reason isn’t something you want to believe. I don’t want you to keep feeling guilty over it. I’m fine, we’re all fine. We’re all right where we’re supposed to be. With whom we’re supposed to be with.” She had a considerable amount of love and support to give to her family members. "I don't try and look at the past, Jasper. I look forward to what I have right now and the future. Especially because looking back at the past gets you nowhere. You can't change it so you might as well learn from it. No matter how hard that is sometimes. It's not always easy to stay positive, but that's what I have to do. Not only for my own sake but for this family's, especially for my little girl." She told her brother in a polite manner.