Heart to Heart Conversation (Esme)

[Bella Cullen]

The years seemed to have flown by effortlessly for the young vampire. She loved her family immensely, she’d have done anything for them, just like they had done for her. They’d accepted her when she was just a frail human and now to be one of them was a dream come true. She got to spend every day with the people she loved, and although their family was slightly different than most, the values were still the same. She knew she had given their family a hard—if not almost troublesome beginning, as when she was still human she knew she had put their family in danger, although she had never wanted that. Even though she had put them in danger—because they had wanted to protect her—from the dangers that their world had to offer, she never once backed down, believing that somehow some way it would all work out. And it had. Renesmee was living proof of that. She recalled her wedding day, now more than ever. How nervous she was, but excited too. It had been helpful to see Carlisle and the others—especially Esme there, close by Edward. Knowing that no matter what happened she would never be alone. It helped too, because she was taking an important step. She’d already known she was meant to be a vampire.

Had known it since first meeting Edward, the unwritten truth had come out the seconds after she had woken up after she had been changed. How she had been able to shield, not just herself but the others as well had been a satisfactory feeling. She never understood why she was able to tolerate blood better than most newborns were able to. But it wasn’t just her own strength she drew from in the first few weeks—months of her vampiric life. No. She drew strength from the entire family, she had to. If she hadn’t...well there was no telling where her life would be now.

Most likely she would have been killed by now. Maybe it was intuition but she didn’t question things anymore. She knew what her future held, who she was going to have by her side, and that was more than enough for her. However, the fact remained she was a little worried about what the Volturi were up to. She may not have been a vampire as long as the others but it didn’t stop her from worrying. She was a parent so she had to worry, at least a little bit.

Taking a deep but unneeded breath the sixty eight year old vampire, had just gotten back from a hunt. It was quiet....too quiet. Which of course made her nervous. In situations like this, when she was still human she would have assumed the worse. That someone had died. Of course in their house, it could just mean that no one was home. But Esme was usually to be found either straightening up a room that someone had left a mess, or reorganizing it. That or baking, which seemed to be something she was good at despite the fact she couldn’t sample her own creations due to what she was, what they all were. Esme had been such a wonderful person to get to know, and had become like a second mother to her. She respected Esme far more than she had respected most other people, aside from Carlisle who was her second father. There was no questioning that fact. Of course just because their family was close to one another did not mean there were disagreements. Every family had those, whether they were vampiric or not. Entering the house that was as beautiful now as it was when she had first seen it, she knew the layout of the house due to living there once before, after she and Edward had gotten married. Walking into the house, she could tell without a shadow of a doubt that no one was there. Everyone seemed to be out.

This of course left her slightly curious as she could have sworn she’d smelled cookies the second she entered the house. She knew she could be quite stubborn as everyone had honestly pointed out. She had compromised on alot of things, including marriage before being turned, but it had all worked out the way it was meant to. Her strength came from the connections—the bonds that were intricately woven throughout their coven—throughout their family. As a mother, she and Esme had bonded over that the way that no one else but a mother could. Walking into the kitchen, she chuckled. Esme clearly hadn’t seen her coming as she’d been easily distracted, or lost in thought. From the looks of things, Esme had been baking for what appeared to be hours. As there were cookies, and pies, and any kind of delicious desert cooling on the counters, and the table within their kitchen. She smiled before clearing her throat once to announce her presence. “Hey. Who are you trying to feed? An entire army? Are we expecting company?”

She chuckled as she walked further into the kitchen. She honestly wished she could taste the stuff that Esme was making but she couldn’t. It had been good when she was human, she remembered that much. She loved being in the kitchen, as a human she had enjoyed cooking for herself and for Charlie as well. Looking towards her mother, she smiled warmly. "It smells so good in here, Esme. Almost good enough to eat, that is if I could actually eat it. Though I'm sure Renesmee will eat quite a bit, and share it with the pack, as well. They almost always are hungry every time I see them it seems like." She told her mother honestly.

[esme ann cullen]

It was another one of those crazy baking days in Esme's world. When Carlisle had left for work she had quickly tided the house before setting about her cooking for the day. She had decided to go all out and cook every single one of the recipes in one of her small cook books. She had tiffin, shortbread, chocolate gateau, cookies, brownies.. the lot. It kept her busy so she enjoyed doing it. Every time she had finished one she laid it out around the kitchen so she could see what ones she had completed. The kitchen was a complete mess. There was kitchen utensils and baking ingredients everywhere. But somehow Esme had never dropped any on herself for a change.

When Carlisle had set out to work she had went in the shower and changed. Putting on a pale blue check shirt and a black pair of leggings. She slipped into some flat riding style ankle boots and fixed a new set of diamond earrings into each ear. She had a collection of jewelry to die for. Some of it had to be kept away in a locked safe as it was that expensive. Carlisle did tend to spoil her on anniversaries and Christmas. They hadn't really celebrated Christmas before Renesmee came along, but now that she was here they tried to keep to every holiday they could. That meant spending ridiculous amounts on presents that would be used a couple of times. Esme could change her earrings every hour on the hour for at least a year before having to wear the same pair twice.

While her hair was wet it had went a wavy style. Instead of straightening it and putting it into an up do she decided to leave it down for a change but have a single brain surrounding her head like a crown. It was a change from her regular hairstyles but it looked good. A little bit of make up and a squirt of perfume and she was ready to roll. Well down to the kitchen to begin baking. And this was where she was now, four hours already having passed. Almost every member of the family had left so she was alone just baking away.

She hadn't noticed Bella come in as she was carefully piping cream onto one of her fresh cakes. She was trying to make it intricate and beautiful. It did however take a great deal of care and time. When she heard Bella's voice she stiffened a little, trying her hardest not to destroy her cake. Straightening up she placed the piping back to one side and turned round with a smile. " I suppose I could feed an army." She chuckled softly. "Nope, no company just me wasting time."

Esme walked towards Bella and gave her a hug. " I sure hope Nessie eats some of it! I bet Jake will eat it all though" She chuckled again. Esme had just got into the habit of calling Renesmee, Nessie as almost everyone in the house did. She had also gotten so fond of Jacob that he was like part of the family now. Her wolf son. She never had a problem with the wolves. In her eyes everyone was equal. " I thought you had went out like everyone else." She said softly.

OUTFIT!

[Bella Cullen]

The vampire couldn’t help but smile as she looked at her mother. Of course, there were so many different delectable deserts out on the counters, it was a lot. Of course it was busy work. Esme was always good in the kitchen, something the two of them had in common. Of course the kitchen was usually a disaster when things like this were being done, but she could help with the cleanup. There was utensils, and baking ingrediants all throghout the kitchen. She remembered when she had turned eighteen and had been here at the house for her birthday party, how the cake was enough to feed at least fifty people and yet she was the only one that could actually eat it. It was beautiful then, of course it just proved Esme and the others had their own gifts, not just the special ones, like reading minds or seeing into the future. She was always impressed when Esme never dropped an ingrediant on herself. How Esme did that, she'd never know.

The one thing she knew was that Esme would have looked beautiful even if she wasn’t a vampire. Her style was a motherly one, very comfortable, and one she had happened to like. Of course she wasn’t the one that liked doing alot of shopping. Alice usually picked out stuff for her to wear, and those shopping trips often made her nervous wondering what Alice would bring home for her to try on. She had on a green v-neck top and jeans, something that was very comfortable as she had avoided wearing a dress if she could afford it. There were only a few select times where she wore a dress. That was something she and her daughter had in common.

Christmas was more fun especially with her daughter. She had loved to spend money on her daughter, because she loved her daughter with everything that she was, she would die before letting someone hurt her. She liked to keep her appearance casual, not do anything over the top. She didn’t have to wear make up if she didn’t want to, but she liked to from time to time. Seeing her mother, she smiled, knowing she must have been baking in here for hours. At least four, knowing how many deserts there were. “That’s true, you could. You, wasting time? I’ve never known you to do that.” She smiled as her mother walked toward her, and gave her a hug which she reciprocated. She loved Esme so much, and that was because of how Esme had always treated her, right from the start. She chuckled as she looked at her mother. “Yes well, if Renesmee doesn’t eat a good portion of it, Jacob and the pack will. They always seem to be hungry. Emily was always in the kitchen cooking, it was neverending.” She told her mother with a smile. Jacob of course was one of her best friends and even though at first he got on her nerves when she had found out he had imprinted on her daughter, she’d come to respect him and love him as a son, which was slightly awkward given he was her age. “I did, I had to hunt, but I came back. I couldn’t stay out all day, now could I? People would get suspicious. I didn't even know if anyone would be home. Have you had any new houses to renovate?” She told her mother in an honest way. Esme's designs were always creative and she had loved to see each and every one of them develop from the way they did on paper to the full finished design. She was always interested in the designs.

[esme ann cullen]

"I've been very bored of late, it seems like everything I do, I do it too quickly and then I've got nothing else to do. So baking is my medium at the minute" She chuckled shrugging her shoulders slightly. She smiled at the mention of Nessie and the pack. She knew that Sam's wife is in the kitchen almost every second of everyday feeding all the wolfs without fail. She almost felt a bit sorry for the girl. Esme did try to help as much as she could, sending food that she made down their way but she felt like she was insulting sam's wife in a way. Almost like Esme was saying she couldn't cope. Bit that really wasn't what she was implying. She just really wanted to help.

Esme shook her head and her brown waves of hair shook silkily over her shoulders. "I actually just finished one, I am just waiting to find a buyer. The last buyer was unable to meet the price it was selling for. I know that it's worth that amount so I refuse to sell it any lower. It will make a perfect home for someone eventually. Plus they didn't look like they actually liked the house. They just wanted the property." Esme always did background checks on potential buyers. Some people just bought the house and tore it apart. She didn't like that, especially when she put her heart and soul into these houses.

"Did you have a nice hunt dear?" She smiled softly, wiping a little flour onto the floor. She would clean it in no time later. "I feel as if I have not seen you in a long time.. How have you been keeping? What have you been doing?" Esme didn't want to seem nosy but she was genuinely interested in Bella. She was interested in everyone life.

[Bella Cullen]

She looked at her mother and smiled warmly at her. “I see. You do so well at baking. I was always in the kitchen too, when I lived with Charlie. But as far as boredom goes, you’re not the only one. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to be back in Forks, this is our home. However, I just—there are just as many memories here that are tough to swallow I suppose. You know? But I feel as though I’m back where I started. Back in highschool. I honestly don’t know how we do it. To keep going into the schools—to relearn everything. It gets often dull. But it’s far better than the alternative I suppose. I guess I never imagined I’d forever be in high school. Though with Renesmee starting school with us this year, I suppose it’ll be slightly different.” She told her mother honestly.

A chuckle appeared upon her lips when she thought of Sam and Emily. Sam was a handful no doubt about that, but she had loved Emily.There was just no stopping either Esme or Emily from protecting their families. Of course over the years the families had become a little more involved with eachother than either probably had imagined. She moved a stray hair out of her face before looking back at her mother. She knew Esme did not hurt anyone by helping out but also knew that Emily could use the help once in a while. They all could as a matter of fact.

“That’s great Esme. Really it is. What kind of a property was it, if you don’t mind my asking? A single story, two story? Was it similiar to Charlie’s house?” She asked her mother as she was always inquisitive when it came to the renovation process as she knew how much of her mother’s heart and soul went into them. “The hunt was fine of course. Didn’t take long to dispose of the corpse. Can’t leave it around for humans to find it. Don’t want anyone raising more suspicions than usual. They already find our family a bit different since we’re so pale and all. I don’t need Edward or Alice’s ability to tell me that. I can see it just on the looks of their faces.” She shrugged as she looked around the kitchen. She knew that Esme loved to help cook. It was one thing the two vampires had in common. “Oh you know, watching over my daughter. And I can’t help but think of how difficult it is going to be once she starts school with us. You know I mean I want it to happen, I do. But, how am I supposd to pretend to be someone I’m not with her....because I can’t be her mother while I’m there. And that’s the very thing I know to be. You know ‘cause it is one role I’m going to struggle with. With everyone else it is easy to play siblings...but to do that with my daughter is a little strange to me. I’ve stayed busy aside from that.” She chuckled as she looked at her mother.

Time was something they never ran out of. It was something she absolutely liked. “The other day, I—I had a close call. There was—I don’t know if it was mentioned to you, but....the other day after a small hunt, I savd a man. I found him with blood everywhere.....and you know how hard it is sometimes to control the thirst. Well I dragged him from where I found him to the hospital. I got to Carlisle...but it was a close call. The man’s okay, I found him in time....but you know as well as I do how it is for us....when there’s large amounts of blood at any given point.” She told her mother honestly. Though she knew that her mother would be sure to ask questions.

[esme ann cullen]

Esme smiled at the mention of Charlie. She did miss Bella's dad. They had gotten on very well after everything settled. Esme had had them round for dinner parties. Mostly where she would just cook for them. It was much easier now that he knew a little. His "need to know" basis kept him from asking questions and just going with it. He knew about Jake, and he knew that they were more than what they seemed. But in the end he just accepted what was and got on with it. She had enjoyed cooking for him so. He would always complement her cooking and always want seconds. That's what she loved about all the wolfs and humans. Their appetite.

She sighed slightly and gave an apologetic smile. She hadn't even thought about how hard it must be for Bella to be back in Forks. "I am sorry Bella, I didn't even think about the memories that would be here. It is very hard, but we are here to support you. We all love Forks, and I'm sure in a way you love it too. I can understand what you mean about school, but it will be different now that Nessie is joining you. As soon as she is there it will get better." She tried to give Bella a little boost. But she knew how difficult it must have been for her to be back here. When they had returned to Ohio, it was like a black cloud had settled over Esme's life. She could remember her life there so well. The primary school she taught at was still there and as was her child's grave. They did not last in Ohio long. It was just too dark a time in Esme's life to want to revisit and be happy in.

She was a little glad of the change of subject, mostly because it had cast her mind back into her own darkness. "It was a little bungalow on the sea front in California. It was a little like Charlie's house but it was yellow." She chuckled softly. Esme nodded softly as Bella spoke about her hunt. She had moved the cake so she was still able to pipe it and talk to Bella. She hated to seem rude. "It will be hard love. I suppose you could just be a very overprotective sister? Nessie will understand her boundaries and wont do too much to step over the line. She is a clever girl and will understand how hard it is for you. It will be strange to get used to also, but you will manage. You were always much better at this than we were Bella." Her laugh tinkled like a bell.

Esme listened intently as Bella recalled her story of the male. She was very surprised how well Bella coped. But again Bella had always coped so well compared to everyone else. Even to this day Esme was unsure how she would be able to handle herself in a situation like that. "Wow Bella, what you did was amazing. I'm certain none of us would be able to do that other than you or Carlisle. I would never be able to do it." she confessed. Esme had had a few encounters with situations similar to that but not as extreme. Even children falling over and scraping there knee could be difficult when she was really thirsty. Esme put it down to her own mistakes, her own weaknesses when she had first become a vampire. She had slipped up a few times and once you had tasted human blood the taste still lingers. It got easier to control but could still come back to haunt.

[Bella Cullen]

She chuckled as she looked at her mother warmly. She missed her father, Charlie, more than she often spoke about. Charlie had a healthy appetite, and he had always had an abundance of food coming his way, from her mother in law. Of course Charlie didn’t know much about them, not in the long run. He knew they were different due to Jacob’s intended help. Though Charlie knew about the shifters and that was more than enough reason to worry. If the Volturi had known about that, well things could have been nasty. Luckily Charlie hadn’t pressed for more information and they were able to enjoy what time they had left with him. Still, being back in Forks did bring up it’s reminders. Just like she had seen Esme go through her own reminders when they lived in Ohio. “Don’t be. It’s okay. Really. It’s just—I think still surreal that he’s not here. You know? I keep expecting him to call my phone telling me to come home. Why I haven’t been by to visit. He and I weren’t close, when I was little. I was always closer to my mother. She needed me more. When I moved back in with him—it made us...bond I suppose. I cooked for him, honestly, he was never malnourished although you might not have thought so with his appetite. God do I miss him. I just can’t help but feel bad for the few times I treated him so horribly when all I was trying to do was protect him. Like when I tricked him into thinking Edward and I broke up and—that I was going to leave town. I told him the exact same thing that my mother told him when she—she left him. It hurt. I could tell. But it was the only way to protect him from our world, then. Even though I was just human at the time.”

She sighed as she looked at her mother in law, with a smile. “Yeah, well I hope so. I really do.” She said to Esme while looking at her, this conversation was becoming harder and harder to think about much less talk about. She knew very little of Esme’s past, in Ohio but she had known it was not a pleasant experiance. “Though when it comes to Forks, yes there’s a few bad memories obviously but there’s also a lot of good ones. I met you here, I met Edward here....I had my daughter here. I wouldn’t be who I am today without that.” She told Esme with a grin. It was those memories that kept her strong, that kept her from not falling apart. “That’s nice, Esme. I’ll bet you get a good deal on it.” She answered honestly as she moved a strand of hair out of her face.

“An overprotective sister? I suppose that could work. I know she’ll understand her boundaries, but it’s not her I have to worry about. She has always been a clever girl and I think that she takes after her father more than she takes after me, when it comes to that.” She chuckled. “You forget, I was human the last time we were in this discussion. I knew what I was getting myself into. Of course the last time I was here, I was also changed into a vampire....albeit I never imagined I’d be able to handle blood as easily as I was able to—the way I still am able to.” She loved Esme’s laugh.

It was something that brightened up her mood instantly. “It wasn’t easy, Esme. I felt myself slipping...knew right then and there I could take a drink. But all I could think of was how dangerous that would be. So I knew I had to be strong....and to do that I—well I pictured this family. You guys have handled blood for centuries, you know? Sure it’s a struggle, it is for us all, but I pictured you guys right behind me, and I leaned on that image for support. I wouldn’t have been able to do it, if I were alone. If—If I had been a nomad vampire, from the start, there’s a good chance I’d have been dead by now. Because without the support you guys gave me when I was first turned, I’d have—there’d have been no way to I’d have been able to get the man to the hospital alive. I’d have drunk him dry, I’m sure. It takes a lot of strength, to do what I did. No doubt about it, but even when I felt at my weakest, I felt the strength from everyone else. Because without the love—without the support, I’d—I’m sure the Volturi would have ended my life very early on. I never thought I could either, not until the situation came up. I’ve never tasted human blood, and I don’t want to. I kept picturing Charlie...because the man was similar to Charlie in many ways. And I just I couldn’t let anything happen to him. I’m absolutely terrified of slipping up. Because, I know if I do—I don’t think I’d survive it. I’d be so wracked with guilt...that I couldn’t—I couldn’t move forward with my life....not without some real help.” She knew that was what the Volturi were waiting for, was for her to slip up. Because she knew once she tasted human blood there was no going back.

[esme ann cullen]

Esme smiled fondly as Bella spoke about Charlie. "He was an amazing man Bella. If there is a heaven he will be up there, you know that. Charlie loved you will all his heart, Nessie too. I understand how hard it is to be here when he isn't here. But he'd want you here. Even if he isn't with us he always wanted you to live in Forks. Don't dwell on the past mistakes you made, Charlie knows that you done those things to protect him. He knew that in some way deep in his heart you just wanted to protect him, from what we are. Even though we never told him, he understood eventually. Charlie was clever, that's who you took it from Bella." Esme moved towards Bella and wrapped an arm round her, pulling her closer in she placed a soft kiss on her daughters forehead. She knew Bella was hurting and in turn it hurt her to see her like it.

"We will get through it together sweetie. We all know how hard it is to come back to your hometown. Every single one of us will stand strong behind you and help you. Charlie would want us to support you, and he will be supporting you to. She gave Bella a little squeeze and a warm smile, pushing the girls hair from her eyes and tucking it behind her ear before moving back to piping the cake. " It's not the money I care about, I just want someone who is serious about it." she carefully piped little roses onto the bottom of it. Each swirl was a delicate pink, she was trying her hardest to make each and everyone of them the same size.

"You'll have all the others to help you along. If you eat to monthly I'm sure they will tell you." she laughed softly. They had done this so many times that they all knew how to look out for one another if it was getting too personal. She knew that Bella and Edward would struggle but they would get through it together. "Don't worry, you'll get wrinkles. I know you will be great. Your like Carlisle. You've never had human blood so it will be a lot easier for you. As soon as you taste it you never forget." Esme pushed the thought of human blood from her head and took an unneeded swallow.

Esme listened carefully as Bella spoke. What she was saying just proved how great she was, that she could resist the call of human blood as she was able to think properly about it. Bella seemed to lack the wild animal instinct just to take it. " Bella you don't have it in you to slip up. Your mind is programmed better than that. You can think, you don't have the frenzy state that us others go into. You think about the people you would disappoint or hurt. Even if you did slip up Bella it's natural. The Volturi won't come and hurt you because you made a mistake. Nobody would think less of you Bella. All of us have done it apart from Carlisle. It's our nature. We obviously will try to prevent it by helping you to avoid It." Esme was looking into Bellas eyes as she spoke. She knew herself Bella was too strong for that, she never would.

[Bella Cullen]

She smiled fondly at her mother in law, as she had spoken about Charlie. Charlie was a loving soul, and he had deserved far more than she could ever give him. She had not been the perfect daughter though she tried to be. She knew she had given him more headaches, more than enough to worry about without him knowing their secret. “Yes he was, I always took for granted, when I was younger that he would always be there. You know, especially after, I moved back in with him. You know, I mean, I think about all those times when he wanted me to come down for the summer, but I wouldn’t....because I felt Mom needed me more. I just feel like so much time that I could’ve spent with him, you know that I didn’t take it. But I know him—well enough to know that he—never stopped loving me, even when I put him through hell. I still remember when I gave him a heart attack when I left for Italy to make sure Edward—didn’t do anything to get himself killed, because if he had, Esme, it would’ve been my fault. And I know that when Renesmee was born, he loved her just as much as he loved me....I know this because I’m a parent too, and I know what it feels like to love your child irregardless of what they may or may not do. And even though it is hard knowing he’s....not physically here with me....with his granddaughter, with everyone who loved him....he is...because as long as he is there in our memory he’ll never be completely gone. And fortunately with us, that won’t ever happen. It's like they say though the ones that love us never really leave us.” She knew that Charlie was safe now, that he could never be hurt.

But Charlie had been a great grandfather to her daughter and she was thrilled because of it. “I enjoy Forks, really I do. More so now that I’m not alone. I remember coming to Forks, often when I was a kid, and even before Edward and I met....I was always Chief Swan’s daughter. I was proud of it too, but being new at school, I remember I didn’t know what to make of it. I didn’t really know anyone at the time...and Jacob was of course on the reservation...I honestly missed Phoenix then. I remember, questioning why I was doing this. I mean I knew my mother....she needed to be with Phil and I didn’t want her staying behind simply because of me. I just hated hurting him, you know? It killed me to do it. Because I knew I was hurting him but it was the only way to keep him safe from James. From it all. Part of me wishes I would have just told him the truth, you know, so that there’d be no more secrets but I just, I didn’t think it would be safe, and I couldn’t do anything that would cause more pain. His Cleverness was definitely something I inherited, his stubbornness too.” She told Esme, with a smile now on her face. She felt Esme wrap her arm around her, and pulled her in closer, as a kiss from her mother in law was placed on her forehead. She chuckles as she looked at Esme. "You always know the right thing to say to make me feel better, thank you."

“I’ll be alright, it’s just the memories. Alot of them are here, you know, I can’t just run from it. You have no idea how much I appreciate the fact that you, and everyone else will stand strong behind me. To help. Yes, he would. That’s the one thing he always told me, that he wanted me to be happy. I know this might sound strange, but....even being back in town, I feel like his presence is around me. Is that strange?” She asked her mother in law, as she was slightly curious as she had never been one of those who were typical of anything. Whether a typical human or typical vampire. She smiled returning the squeeze Esme had given her. She watched Esme pipe the cake.

“This is beautiful, Esme. Not that you ever make something that isn’t.” She said as she was glad that her hair was now out of her eyes thanks to Esme, moving the hair behind her ear. “No, I know it’s not about the money, Esme. It never is. Not with us. It’s about making sure the person who buys the house will love it as much as you do. That’s the point.” She could tell that Esme was trying very hard to make each swirl of pink exactly the same size of the others.

“Yeah I know they’ll be with me, but you know, with the others...it’s easy to play siblings because that’s what we are, well except when it comes to Edward and I. Though I’d hate to see how Rosalie and Emmett would tell me I was being too motherly.” She laughed alongside Esme. She hoped she and Edward would be able to handle it, together, the way they had done with everything else. “That sounds like something my Gran used to say....when she was still alive. I don’t know how much like him I am. You know, it’s true I’ve never had human...blood. Not that I’d want anything to do with it. But nevertheless, I sense when I am weaker, when it comes to blood. I’m strong but I’m not that strong. Not all of the time. Especially when I couldn’t completely control my shield....I was terrified. You’re a lot stronger than you think, this entire family is. I know what it’s like to feel the hesitation.....it’s why it took everything in my power to avoid it....all I could think of is my daughter, our family...while....a slip up can happen, I don’t want it to. Because I know that if I tasted...human blood, it’d....there’d be no turning back, I know I’d want more....which would mean more lives lost. I am relieved though to hear that no one would think less of me, but I would. I have only fought it for fifty years, you guys have been fighting it off for centuries....no offense, but you have to be strong in order to fight it off...even with the few slip ups as you say. As far as the Volturi goes, I’d rather not push my luck anyway, we’ve managed a sense of peace between us and the Volturi and I’d certainly like to keep it that way, don’t you?” The strength she had was only because of the faith and trust she had built within her family. Being what they were trust was very precious.

[esme ann cullen]

Esme listened to Bella carefully. She was so overwhelmed by her beautiful words. Charlie was a great man, and he had given her a great daughter. Esme would be forever thankful to him for giving her such a great daughter and in turn a granddaughter. Esme knew how it felt to miss someone, she had given everything up when she had ran away from her human husband. It was partly her parents fault that she had rushed to marry Charles but she had still loved her parents dearly. They had given her everything. Her life had been so perfect growing up, it was only after she had grown up when the trouble started. But she still missed them dearly. She had gone back to watch over her parents a few times. She had also attended their funeral under heavy disguise. Carlisle had even been kind enough to join her in her deeply upsetting time. Bella was experiencing all these feelings too and Esme just wanted to take all the horrible feelings away and make Bella happy again. Everyone always had regrets about their life but there was no point in getting upset over them. It was impossible to change them. "Bella, I know you regret all those things but Charlie forgave you. You have been forgiven so you should not feel bad about them. Charlie will always be with you. Your mother too. As will we. We will forever be by your side." Esme spoke softly, her voice was sweet like a bell.

Esme smiled brightly as Bella said cheered up. Esme only wanted one thing in her life and that was happiness. She wanted every single member of her family to be happy. She gave them every ounce of love that was possible to squeeze from her body and more. Many a time Esme would get upset just because her children or husband were upset. She just wanted their eternal life to be eternally happy. It wasn't much to ask really. But with so much hanging over them it was hard to be happy all the time.

Esme shrugged lightly. "I think i've messed it up a little. I wish I had made the icing a little thicker." She bit her lip slightly and continued with the delicate flowers. Pausing only to blow a little of her dark brown hair from her face. Esme had wanted to enter competitions with her baking but she was such a perfectionist she would never feel it was good enough to go. She was never confident enough in her own. She always felt below par. Especially in herself. She didn't see why Carlisle loved her. She felt like she was just an ordinary Mary Jane. Nothing special about her what so ever. But Carlisle had chosen her.

"Bella you are perfect. You wont slip up trust me" She flashed Bella a smile. "The volturi will never dare harm any of us. I will make sure of it." Esme growled slightly. She only ever got angry when it came to someone harming her family. She would never let anyone hurt them and would even go as far as to kill to protect them. She was fiercely protective of her family.

[Bella Cullen]

She looked at her mother in law. Esme was a beautiful soul. She knew how to make her feel better. She was honestly thankful for everything that Charlie had done for her. He was her dad. They hadn’t always had the best relationship obviously, but he had been very accepting towards her when she told him that she was alright, that she was different but alright. He never questioned it the way that her mother would have. She just knew her mother that well. She had always had a supportive family, both in her human family, and the vampiric one she now had.

Still she couldn’t help but miss the man, and her mother too. Even Phil held a special place in her now unbeating heart. Having attended Charlie’s funeral and her mother and Phil’s was not necessarily easy but it had to be done. Sure she had been quite carefully under disguise as she did not want to make matters worse. Esme was kind towards her, always had been, and she knew that Esme only wanted to see her happy, nothing more nothing less.

Yes she knew it was impossible to change what had happened, and all the things she had regretted. “You think so? I mean—Charlie and I had a very complicated relationship. It’d always been like that between us since I can remember. I know he’ll be with me, Mom too. It’s just I wonder what they would think—if they knew the truth. Of what I am. You know, we never really told them....for their sake more than anything else. But I can’t dwell on that. Because as much as I miss both of them, and Phil too, I have to look forward. For the sake of my daughter more than anything else. What’s done is done, and I can’t go back. But I really appreciate it, Esme. You guys have always been there for me, even before Edward and I got married...even when I put you through...hell....when I was human.” She was being honest even if Esme might not completely understand it.

Being with her family made her happier, yes she missed Charlie and her mom but there was nothing she could do about it. Even being around Esme made her smile more. Esme just had that kind of personality to brighten someone’s day. Just like Alice did. Esme was able to give out the most love of anyone she had ever known. She could see how Carlisle had loved Esme, because she did too. She tried not to upset Esme as that was never a good thing. Esme was the kind of woman who wanted everyone around her to be happy. “Oh relax will you? I know you’re a perfectionist but the icing’s fine. You know better than anyone that your baking is great. I’m sure you could do well if you entered it into some competition. If you wanted to.”

She told Esme confidently as she loved her mother in law as much as she had her own mother. Esme was brilliant and kind, one of the reasons she loved her so much. The one thing Esme was not was an ordinary woman. Because it took someone with a great big heart to accept all of her adoptive children and loved them as if they were her own flesh and blood children.

“I hope you’re right. I just....I can’t help but worry sometimes. It’s something I’ve never been able to change.” She looked at her mother in law with a grin of her own. “If the Volturi even try, they’ll have to go through me, first. Especially since I’ve got my shield and I know how to use it.” She heard Esme’s growl which mirrored her own. She was like Esme, protective of her family members, especially her husband and her daughter. She would go so far as to kill in order to protect them. “I just hope for our sake we won’t have to worry about it, though I must say I’m worried about what the Volturi are up to. You know as well as I do that Aro is not just hosting this ball to get all of us together. There’s got to be a reason behind it. You know it and so do I. The only question is what is he up to if his intent is not to recruit those of us into the Volturi. He still has eyes out for Alice, Edward and I...I know that too.” She told her mother honestly.

[esme ann cullen]

"Bella, I am positive. Charlie would forgive you no matter what. You will know it in yourself that a parent would forgive their child no matter what. Its just what you do. They would never think any less of you Bella. They would be happy to know that their one and only child will live for a very long time with the person she loves and that you will never be hurt. Its every parents dream." Esme smiled softly. It was true, any parent would wish that their children would live forever and never be harmed. She was positive that Charlie and Renee would be happy. That they would never fear their child. " Charlie knew that it was for the best. He knew that we could not tell him for his own safety. They miss you very much also Bella. I bet they wish they could be here beside you now." Esme had often wondered to herself if they should have turned Charlie. She never said it aloud as she didn't want to cause a rift in the family. She knew as well as everyone else that they only turned those that were dying. Those that had no other choice. She also knew that Charlie was happy just growing old with Sue. She didn't want to interfere with that.

"Bella you never put us through hell." She looked saddened that Bella had thought that. "We decided as a family unit that you were our daughter. Our family. I would never have let you gone through anything alone Bella. Even as a human." Esme looked her right in the eye. Her passion for protecting her daughter overwhelmingly showing through her fixed determined stare.

She had made the decision that she would treat all of them as her children the second Edward was brought in the family. She had lost her one and only child and it had tore her apart. Her heart had been ripped from her chest. The crippling pain was far too much. She had loved that little boy more than anything, in the few days she had with him. He had been the light in her otherwise dark life. He had made everything better, and when he died he had taken her with him. Now her vampire children where her light. Her husband too. They were the only things keeping her from going to her death once more.

Esme chuckled softly but continued to toy with it. She knew that Bella thought it was perfect but it was flawed in her own eyes. She was stubborn in that sense. She could never take a compliment. She just didnt have the right programming in her brain.

"I understand the feeling. But we are all here for you. Honestly don't worry about it." Esme smiled at her brightly. She knew that nobody would be able to hurt her family without them all doing their very best to protect each other. They were a strong family unit and nothing could come between them. Especially not Aro and his dogs.

[Bella Cullen]

She looked at Esme and smiled a little. It was quite nice to be chatting with her. They didn’t really sit down and chat often as there was always something else going on. She loved her family and the life in which she had chosen and had never looked back. Yes there were some things she had regretted but for the most part she was perfectly happy. Safe with her husband and their daughter, as well as their extended family. They had done so much for her and no amount of time would be enough to thank them enough for it. She loved them nevertheless. “I know....it’s just kind of hard really. At least with us, we always knew what was out there. Charlie didn’t. And I thank God he didn’t. He was given a luxary of not knowing, of never having to worry of what was truly out there. Yes I mean he knew that there were bad things in the world, but never did he question if there was a God, or what came next. I’d like to think that was his saving grace. Because he...was able to move on with his life...without fear. You know as well as I do that if he’d found out the truth, Esme, it’d...I don’t think he’d have been able to tolerate it. He....already thought Edward was a bad influence on me. Though he accepted the fact that I was with him....and he was so accepting of our daughter, even though he thought that she was adopted. But he was never more of a loving grandparent than you or Carlisle have been towards her. I do know they don’t...think any less of me. It’s just....you know I know my mother. I know she would not have handled what we were well. She was very child like in that way. But Sue made Charlie happy and so for that I’m eternally thankful for it. With all of them gone now, it’s bittersweet. To remember everything. The one thing I do know is that at least Charlie and Mom never had to worry about me—that I’d be alone. They saw how Edward and I were with one another, and how this family interracted with eachother. They just didn’t know the bigger picture is all. Honestly I can say this, before Edward, I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d be a wife or a mother. Especially as young as I was when it all happened. But I never once regretted it. Because I know it was meant to be. I look at my little girl, and I thank the stars for her every day. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. What I would’ve done without all of you.” She told her mother in law honestly. It was something she was eternally grateful for as she knew she was never alone.

No matter what happened. ”Yes, I know. It’s just sometimes I didn’t know whether it was better to keep him in the dark or not. You know there were times where I often wondered whether we should’ve turned him, but in a way I’m glad we didn’t. Because at least he got to be with Sue, who besides my mother was the only woman he had ever truly loved. It’s true that I miss them, but I know they’re with me, maybe not in the way that you and Carlisle are, but with me all the same.” She sighed a bit as she looked at her mother in law. “I know it sounds silly. But I put you guys in a lot of danger with James...and Laurant and Victoria. Especially with James and Victoria. I know you guys decided a long time ago, when I was a human, that I was your daughter too, just like the others. I know you wouldn’t have let me go through anything alone, Esme. You and Carlisle, both...were very welcoming even from the start. I’ve always been eternally grateful for that. Don’t think I haven’t been. You’ve always protected me, protected us all, as has Carlisle. And in this family that’s important, that we all protect eachother, no matter what.” Honestly she was hoping her mother in law understood how much she loved her. Because she did.

Esme was a loving soul and she had been a mother like no other could be. She had loved Esme as much as her own mother. That was how strong Esme had made an impact on her life. She may not have had the same experiances as the others but that did not mean they weren’t a family. It just there was different aspects that made them who they were. Esme helped bring a light into her life, that very few could aside from the other members of their family. She chuckled as she looked at her mother in law. Her mother in law was far too stubborn for her own good, but she couldn’t see what the rest saw. “I know. I just I’m as stubborn as you are. We’ve always been protective of eachother. I just hope that we don’t have a fight to deal with if we go to this ball. You know as well as I do that we have to go, to keep the peace between our family and the Volturi, but I can’t say that I’m looking forward to it, though Renesmee is very excited about it. It’s absolutely scary how excited she is. But she doesn’t see things the way we do. She hasn’t had a violent experiance with them the way that we have....I’ve felt what kind of power that Jane can throw at someone. So has Edward, and so I can’t help but wonder what they’re up to. But you and I both know that if Aro and his coven tried anything we’d be prepared to fight just like we were willing to do before hand. I just hope it doesn’t come to that, though Edward doesn’t think that it will. Because Aro knows that Alice, Edward and I won’t join him willingly. It would take something major to occur before we even thought about it. He’d have to kill me before I would join him. You know that. And I know Edward and Alice are with me in that.” She told Esme, as none of them would leave their family willingly.

[esme ann cullen]

Esme listened again intently. Charlie had been great that way, he never did ask questions he just accepted what was. And that had made him a great man. "Bella, Charlie would have been more accepting than you think. Sure he thought Edward was a bad influence but he never would have rejected you. Thats the beauty of Charlie, he never judged he just accepted. I think Charlie knew that Renesmee was more than your adopted daughter. He was too clever for that. Renee was the same. Maybe she didnt think in the way we did but again she never would have condemned you for it." She spoke softly, her words soothing as she spoke them. "It is difficult to wrap your head round all the changes that have happened in the last 60 years but this was your destiny... I don't know if you believe in it all. But in my heart I believe that everything happens for a reason. Like sometimes your path is set out for you. Its just fated. I understand what you mean about never seeing yourself as a mother or a wife. I felt the same once. When I was young and just wanted to have a career. But you werent meant for this. Just as I was. Perhaps one day, If anything happens to me you will take my place." She smiled softly.

Esme was a little shocked to hear that Bella had considered turning Charlie too. She didn't know if it was the right time to confess but she did so anyway. "To tell you the truth Bella I though about it often. I thought that perhaps it would be good for you and Nessie. It would keep Charlie around and it would mean he could understand fully." She looked a little sheepish. "Sure there was danger, but it was nothing we could not handle. You were worth every second anyway." She flashed a movie star smile.

Esme shuddered slightly as Bella mentioned the ball. She had pushed it to the furthest space of her mind. She really didn't know what to do. Of course they had to attend. Carlisle had been a close friend of Aro's for so long and it would be rude not to. But it still made her nervous. She didn't know if she would be able to protect everyone against such skilled fighters. In fact she knew she would never be able to protect them and that prospect chilled her to the bone. She knew the volturi guards well and she knew of their power. She also knew that the guard was growing everyday. She had no idea of the new recruits or the new people Aro was hanging around with but she knew that it was inevitable. Aro was like a parasite. He consumed everything. She sighed softly. "Im terrified of this ball. I would really rather not go, but of course it would be rude. I have no idea what he is planning but it is very scary to think. Our family is stronger than them. We wont back down without a fight" The thought still sent shivers down Esme's spine.

[Bella Cullen]

She loved Charlie more than she ever thought was possible. Sure there were a few times where they had argued, and where she had said hurtful things but she knew deep down that Charlie had forgiven her for it. Charlie was never the type to hover or ask questions which she was a good thing. It had made her happy that he could accept things without questioning her or her choices. A smile appeared on her face as she looked at her mother in law. “I’m sure he would have. It just didn’t feel right to tell him. You know, as much as I wanted to, he was safer not knowing, but I think you’re right. I know he wouldn’t have judged me, or rejected me. And I think he knew more than he let on about Renesmee. I can’t explain it, but I think he knew she was my little girl, not that I adopted her, but he never said anything about it. Charlie was always clever of course. Mom too. Though, honestly they both were too loving, to condemn anyone. Even me.” She replied as Esme’s words were so soothing even after all this time. And that was a good thing.

“In my life, I have never been more sure of myself. Never felt more alive than I did, when I took those first steps after I was turned. I was so happy...you know it was touch and go for a moment....I remember the last thing I saw in my human life was my baby girl, and the first thing I saw when I woke up was Edward. It was fate. I know that. I love it too, even with all the hurdles Edward and I have been through, it was all meant to be. When I was a kid, you know Mom and Charlie didn’t have the best relationship. I don’t remember a single conversation where they were honestly happy around eachother. After all Charlie was still in love with Mom even when she got married to Phil. I think he never got over that until he met Sue. I didn’t know what true love was, except what I saw on t.v. until I met you and Carlisle. You guys have it....you would do anything for eachother, and for this family, the way we all would. We both are fiercely protective when it comes to this family, we were both meant for it, even if how we got here was anything but what we expected.” She cleared her throat. “I don’t think this family would ever be the same if anything happened to you, and that would certainly be a big role to fill, I don’t think I’m ready for that. In fact I know I’m not.” She told her mother in law, worried now because of what she had said. It was not a good topic of conversation to be on in fact it made her slightly nervous though she hid it well. Being alive for as long as she had been allowed her to shield her emotions as well.

“It would have been but he wouldn’t have been happy, exactly. I mean yes he would have been with Renesmee and I, forever and I would have loved that, but I knew that he loved Sue even before he did. You’re right, it would have been nothing we couldn’t have handled. And I’m glad to know I was worth every second anyway. I’m just glad that it happened. ‘Cause I don’t know what my life would have been like without you guys.” She was being honest when she said it as she didn’t want to think about what her life might be like without them.

She cringed even just thinking about the ball. She knew that Edward had wanted her to forget about it, but how could she? She wasn’t sure what to do, of course she knew that Carlisle wanted them to go of course, to keep the peace but what kind of peace would there be if Aro tried something? What was to stop him? The fact of the matter was Aro had very skilled guards in his midst not to mention Jane and Alec. It was a fear she shared with her mother in law. The guard was growing every single day and there were sure to be some recruits none of her family had been introduced to. She had no idea the kind of people that Aro was hanging around with, as it could be disasterous, just as much as his new recruits could be. Truth was Aro was more than just a parasite. But she’d never say that out loud. “Me too, it scares me, more than anything. I know it’d be rude not to go, and Renesmee is so looking forward to it. It’s scary. You know, it’s not just the fact we don’t know what Aro is up to, but you know that he has wanted to collect several of us for years and I know that interest had not changed. If anything he will be more ruthless with his tactics. He knows Edward, Alice and I won’t do it....while our family is still alive, and he could force us all into something we’re not willing to go for. I’m scared knowing my daughter will be in the same room with that vampire. I’d rather she stay away, but Carlisle wants us all there so we are going to have to grin and be ready for anything. I’ll have my shield up around our entire family and that of the Denali’s if they come as well during the whole thing. I know it’s not much but it’s all I’ve got.” She truly was worried about what the Volturi were up to, and it really did send chills down her spine.